before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
