I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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