are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
