why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
