I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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