Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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