i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
