If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
