Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
