You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
