I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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