The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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