Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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