okay pat passed out under dana's car
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Randomize
