i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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