I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
