i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
