is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
