areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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