tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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