thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
