don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
