How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
