Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
