I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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