the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize