In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
smell my finger.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
