I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I love having hate sex.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
