Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
