the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
