My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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