I accidentally had phone sex last night
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
