Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
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She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
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They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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