My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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