I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
