im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
