it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
try to milk me bitch
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