Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
