you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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