She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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