Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
