Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
