what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
