also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
