i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
