Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
