My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
