I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
