why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
