You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
