I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
