I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
