its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
