You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
