I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
That reminds me...we need to get swords
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
