You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
