you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The beer is more important than you right now.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
