The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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