my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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