Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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