who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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