I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
