i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
