i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
