Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
