have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
